Notes - 28th May 06

Bible passage:
Philemon 1-25

We need to value relationships more and seek to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict. All of us can think of relationships that we have allowed to grow distant or break up altogether. This is sad at all times, but is especially tragic in the Church. Is it possible for you to identify the kind of issues that have strained your relationships with others recently? Why do we let them carry on drifting apart? If we are following Jesus, we are called to be peacemakers: 'God blesses those who work for peace for they will be called the children of God'. It demands work and commitment to make and keep peace in our relationships. What is the difference between being a peaceable person and being a peacemaker?
What is involved in peacemaking?
It doesn't mean always avoiding conflict. Sometimes we need to create it.
It doesn't mean always seeking appeasement, allowing others to run over you to keep the peace.

(Read Philemon v1-7). Paul has many good things to say about Philemon. What are they? Could your friends say such good things about you? It is hard for us to understand the culture where a Christian could keep a slave, as Philemon did.
(Read Philemon v8-25). What picture emerges of Onesimus? What problem is there between Philemon and Onesimus that Paul is trying to sort out? What had happened in Philemon's life through Paul's ministry in the past, which has now happened in Onesimus's life - and how is Paul implying that should change everything? In what different ways is Paul a peacemaker in this situation? Restoring broken relationships is never without cost: how was it costly for Paul, Philemon and Onesimus to restore the relationship?

Warren suggests seven steps to restoring a relationship:

* Talk to God before talking to the person. Pray about a conflict situation and often you will find that God either changes your heart, or the other person, without your help. Have you had experience of this? 'Use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustrations. Cry out to him. He's never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel'

* Always take the initiative. It doesn't matter if you have been the injured party, always make the first move: restoring broken fellowship is that important. Look at (Matt 5: 23-24), what shows how important Jesus thinks reconciliation is?
Do you procrastinate, make excuses or promises rather than seek to make peace? Why?

* Sympathize with their feelings. Listen twice as much as you speak: you have two ears and only one mouth. Be sensitive to the other person's feelings.

* Confess your part of the conflict. Begin by admitting your part in the conflict or problem. How hard do you find this is to do? (Matt 7: 5) How self -aware are you? 'Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation'. How ready are you to admit your mistakes and faults?

* Attack the problem, not the person. Allocating blame to a person is not helpful. If we are serious about fixing the problem we need to focus on dealing with that rather than attaching blame to one another. Do you want to get the last word or be proved in the right? How can that often be a barrier to dealing with the broken relationship?

* Co-operate as much as possible 'Peace always has a price tag'. How ready are you to swallow your pride, compromise and adjust to others and show preference to what they need for the sake of restoring the relationship?

* Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, not the problem. If we focus on the problem, we may never reach agreement. We need to focus on restoring the relationship. Often then the problem becomes insignificant or irrelevant. Who do you need to restore fellowship with? Don't delay. Talk to God now about that person, then get on the phone to them and begin the process.

Is there someone you need to restore a relationship with that we could pray for you about?